Tuesday 19 January 2016
Something amazing happened to me at the weekend. You’re not going to believe it.
But first I have a confession. I used to be a Eurosceptic. I’m not talking of the wishy-washy, half-boiled, half-cocked type. I’m talking a fully fledged, rabid Eurosceptic. For instance, I used to expel spittle when reading the Daily Mail’s (my favourite newspaper’s) coverage of the EU. I used to pound my fist on the table while eating my rare, blood-weeping steak whenever some biased story of the EU came on the BBC. I used to bask in a warm admiring glow whenever Daniel Hannan appeared on Newsnight. So too did I used to enjoy a fine advertise-branded cigarette whenever Paul Nuttall graced the Question Time roadshow, saying it how it is, in people’s minds, with panache and simple, straight-talking level-headedness, together with a three-quarter Eurosceptic panel (that’s better BBC, I used to think), twitchingly relaxed about the EU question sure to be raised.
On Saturday I found myself in my local library. Don’t ask me how it happened – it’s far too amazing to believe. Whilst in said establishment I happened to cast my eyes upon a book on a shelf. Brazenly written down the book’s white spine were the large blue letters: “The Real EU”. Ha, I said to myself, now I can confirm what I always knew about that disgusting, leeching organisation. I pulled it from the shelf and perused the blurb: “An unbiased (that’s biased, I thought), accurate account of the European Union”.
I sat down and prepared to have all my beliefs confirmed. Whilst reading I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. I felt stifled and became hot. Then I read something that left me gasping for breath:
“Not a single person in EU institutions votes on or amends EU law who is not elected. In the UK there are 760, more than the entire elected European Parliament of all member states.” There was even a source to confirm this monstrous lie, (http://www.parliament.uk/about/mps-and-lords/about-lords/lords-types/).
Well, I can’t tell you how I felt. I was shaking and in a state of shock. Could this be true? I was angry. Very angry. Furious. I don’t know with whom. Could it be that I had been lied to by my most cherished institution of all things English?
I couldn’t breath. I had to get out. I didn’t even put the book back. On the way home the realisation dawned on me. I began to feel better. A lot better. In fact I felt liberated. I felt young and freed from the yoke of bitter animosity. I began to skip. It rained but that didn’t dampen my joy. I jumped and sang over puddles like Gene Kelly. I can’t tell you the relief I felt. I felt like a young man again where everything is possible.
Now I have given up the Daily Mail and it’s better than giving up smoking.
To Britain and all ex-fellow Eurosceptics, I hope you see the light.
I’ve enrolled on Yoga and Latin dance classes, but I do still enjoy a steak and a glass of wine or two. I am still normal.